Fear can cost people their lives. It can lead us to do things that we might not otherwise do, and it can cause us to make decisions that go against our better judgment. And before we know it, we have already wasted so much of our lives doing what we don’t want to do.
But sometimes, fear isn’t just something that happens —it’s something we choose to embrace or resist. But what if all it takes to overcome fear was asking questions?
Influenceology’s co-founder, Robert Monaco joins us this week to help us unlock the power of questions in changing our lives. Dr. Fred and Roberto also discuss the real cost of fear, how to find new depth in our relationships, and how to attain a higher level of self-development.
“Fear costs people’s lives.” -Roberto Monaco
Episode Highlights:
- 02:47 Change Your Life with Questions
- 07:47 “One Day I Will Be Speaking!”
- 12:45 Stop Pushing Your Own Will
- 17:26 Push the Boulder
- 22:41 Recognize Your Guide
- 27:22 You Owe Yourself to Explore
Resources:
Books
“If you could do anything in your life and you know you could not fail, what would you be doing today?” Join @drfred100m and @speakercoach Roberto Monaco as they share the secret to a higher level self-development. #HEALED #newpodcast #ask #fear… Share on X
Quotes:
01:24 “Some stories are seemingly more horrific than others, but it’s only as horrific as the meaning we assign and how we make it through.” -Dr. Fred Didomenico
03:29 “We can change our lives by asking different questions.” -Roberto Monaco
04:18 “We live two lives: the life that we s=think we should do and then there’s the life of our calling.” -Dr. Fred Didomenico
07:20 “Fear costs people’s lives.” -Roberto Monaco
22:57 “I was never alone. I was being guided.” -Roberto Monaco
24:31 “Christ didn’t come to teach us religion. He came to teach us relationships.” -Dr. Fred Didomenico
28:32 “It’s really hard to have a relationship with someone you don’t know. How are you going to have a relationship with God if you don’t spend the time to know Him?” -Roberto Monaco
29:08 “You owe yourself to explore— Be open minded to explore a conversation. And then, you go from there.” -Roberto Monaco
Meet Roberto Monaco:
Roberto Monaco has been a full-time speaker, coach and trainer since 2002, and has conducted more than 4,200 presentations in the United States, Canada, Brazil, Mexico and Puerto Rico.
He worked for the Anthony Robbins Companies for 6 years and in 2004, 2005, 2006 and in 2007 he was the top producer and revenue generator in the country. In 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 Roberto also coached and trained all the other Peak Performance Strategists (speakers) at The Anthony Robbins Companies.
Many call Roberto the honorary DC (doctor of conversions) because he has helped so many chiropractors to convert thousands of patients into care. He has served chiropractors for the last 6 years, showing them how to convert more clients at Dr Report’s, ROF, “dinner with doc” talks, patient orientation classes and health lectures. He has quickly become the “go-to” speaking coach for the top Chiropractic advocates in the industry.
Roberto Monaco is originally from Porto Alegre, Brazil, and he conducts workshops and trainings in two languages: English and Portuguese. Roberto lives in San Diego CA with his beautiful wife, Katie.
Transcription:
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Guess who I am? Dr. Fred, and the reason we have this podcast is because I want to bring you people that have a story, man, that will bring you hope that have been through the challenges in life. Some stories are more seemingly more horrific than others, but it’s only as horrific as the meaning we assign. How we make it through this, and how we realize that we’re really human beings and everything that happens is our sole purpose. So these are to give you hope, to help build your faith and to help see and hear the stories of other people that will probably put a lump in your throat. Maybe some will make you cry. But certainly, all of them will help you see yourself from our divine level.
So I’m thrilled to have a very good to say my friend mine, Roberto, would be an understatement. We hear the mantra, your brother from another mother, but your story is fascinating. Your life and purpose are continually evolving. And thank you for sharing yourself in this story with our audience.
Roberto Monaco: I love you my brother. I love you. I’m so grateful to be here with you and our audience. Every time that a friend, hey, can I, yeah, I don’t even know that. I don’t even know the end of the question is like, okay. Yes, of course, what time? So let’s do it. Let’s do it brother.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Yeah. So hey, obviously, you didn’t come from the United States. So you have a story. Tell someone who had a vision that made things happen and how God has been with you all the way whether you knew it or not. You go ahead and take it.
Roberto Monaco: Set it up with the context, my charming accent from Brazil, I grew up in Brazil. I’m 51. And for 25 years, I have lived in Brazil. I start working at 15. Working in Brazil. Working on the bank. Went to a high school, got my BA in finance, graduated. At one point, apply, apply for a county school. I got it for six months. That’s (inaudible) account.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: No offense to accountants.
Roberto Monaco: But I’m like, maybe it’s not my thing. I was kinda like, one day I remember, I was 24, we can change our lives by asking different questions. And you teach that. And one of my questions that I asked was like this, if I spend the next 30 years of my life, and the highest I can go in a bank was, it was a bank in Brazil, the biggest bank was like, I don’t know, 20,000 people? Do I want to be the president? And I had this gut feeling, no. Now understand that’s not gonna finish something else. The Holy Spirit guided me throughout. And I remember coming home. By the way, I had nine years in the bank. I’ll be retired by now. And I had a good job, good money. I told my mom I’m gonna quit. She goes, what? Like, I’m quitting. She goes, what? You can be retired 20 years from now. I’m like, I’m quitting. What do you want to do? I don’t know. Then I went to work.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: That’s real quit, because these are the lives that many people that listening have. I just did a video, we live two lives. The life that we think we should do, what we do for other people, and then there’s the life of our colleagues. So you follow that voice.
Roberto Monaco: I felt that I had the sense. I didn’t have a calling at that point, but I knew that I didn’t want to go. So I went to England for three months. I Started studying English, came to America. And I remember how I learn English by primarily reading books with a dictionary. I have a book here where my first book I ever read in English, and took me an hour to the page, literally. I have all marked up and I saved the book one hour for a page because, what is this word? What Is this word? I mean, I was like, and eventually, I started reading. And then I went to school here and got an MBA in marketing. And I remember one time sitting down in a coffee shop in Pacific Beach and I don’t know which book I was reading. I read that famous question that I know you heard a thousand times. Most people listen to us, they heard a thousand times. And the question was, if I could do anything in my life and I knew I could not fail, what are we doing today right here, right now in my life. And that question was a straight job. Like, if I could do anything, and I just know, I cannot fail? What would I be doing right now? And I’m like, was it so powerful yet? I don’t know. And it was really uncomfortable because like, that was a new question. There was a new way of thinking. I went to this crazy self development, journey, seminars, books. I didn’t have a lot of money. But I remember, I went to a four day event. And the last day they say, go, right, go. And he still have this paper too. And they have this categories, profession, relationships, they have a toy category. And the toys like, if you buy a car, if you buy a boat. And my toy category was to buy a $45 cologne. That’s where it came from. And my work go was to become a speaker. And I put work for TR. Why? Because when I start going through this journey, I remember back in Brazil.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Tony Robbins.
Roberto Monaco: Yeah, Tony Robbins. And I remember going to Brazil as look in my life reflecting, I was the guy who people come to me to talk. Going into Brazil did that helps coach. I was born in the 70’s. In the 80,90’s didn’t have coach. It wasn’t popular. But I realize, man, I might be able to do this. I start developing this vision. But for five years, I didn’t take action because I allow my limiting beliefs or my accent pull me back. And if people listen to us and you’re afraid and have limited beliefs while you heard things sure before, fear cost people’s lives. There’s no way to put around the cost because fear for some people cost inaction. And because inaction, you’re never going to experience that because you have experienced or take action. And eventually, five years of my life passed by. And then eventually, probably the mother training, and that one got me the courage to stop pursuing. And now, here’s a book about God. I have chills because I never thought about that at this point. I remember come back from this class, and I remember was a Sunday, my buddy Charles from Brazil came to hang out. We live in a condominium, they had the pool. He goes, coming and go can go the pools, it perfect. So my apartment, I pulled the book Awaken the Giant Within and I said, one day buddy, I want to be speaking like this guy. My buddy from Brazil have no clue like, I don’t know who it is. Let’s go the pool. So go to the pool. The sugar was right here laying down and we go in the middle of speaking Portuguese and they’re not paying attention to us at all. Then after maybe 10 minutes, one girl go like this said, what kind of language that? Portuguese. She goes, what are you doing here? So I got into my story. Hi, I’ll be doing this deals but my goal is to become a speaker. I love speaking. It’s kind of like Tony Robbins. I love that kind of stuff. And the other girl quiet. So I jumped in the water when I come back.
The other girl was not paying attention to me. Like eyeballing me. And then she goes, I’m sorry, I heard your conversation. And I’m like, no big deal. She goes, no, no, I worked for Tony. You’re gonna work for Tony. Her name is Lana Powers My buddy who an hour before I show the book goes, bro, this is a setup. The other girl goes, this must be a setup. If she goes, you mess around. She goes, no, wait. She go to my partner, come back with a business card, call me on Monday. So I call, got interview, the VP of sales up is to my buddy Jim Miller, and they had one spots to become a speaker for 20, and I had zero public speaking skills besides the little talker during college. And he goes up, man, I don’t know when you’re going to be doing 400 talks a year. You have this accent, I don’t know if you can do this. And I told him, I said with a lot of certainty said, I’m not going to be your best speaker at all. English is my third language, I’m going to be a number one guy. He goes, okay. And then I sucked at the beginning. Bad, six months bad. And then I start getting coaching and eventually started to become the number one guy. I was there stuttering the speakers. That was from 2000 to 2008.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: I ask you a question because we talked about this. I’ve known you for a while, you don’t have any spirituality.
Roberto Monaco: Oh, zero.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Those three letters did not come out of your mouth. So at that moment when Lana Powers, what did you think? Is this a miracle? Or you’re just lucky?
Roberto Monaco: Well, just for me it was just like being a white spot. Because my background, I never believe in spirituality.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Had a bad experience? Or what was it?
Roberto Monaco: Well, for me, I remember my family, the way we raise, I was baptized Catholic, but was more like checking the box. And then with respect to Catholics, didn’t used to be here. That was like my family. And then I remember going to church maybe two or three times. And then my grandmother, my mother, the whole moto was just be a good person. Yeah. And I’m like, I’m gonna be able to force, what to do with the person. We all make mistakes, that was my goal. It was still my goal to be able to force. So that whole blueprint of Christ, Jesus, God wasn’t my life for 50 years.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: So then you became the number one speaker. Finally, you’re like, okay, I need to go out on my own. You started your own speaking all over. I mean, thousands of thousands of speakers I’ve gone through regardless of what the audience may think. I’ve actually gone through your training.
Roberto Monaco: Because you’re a badass, you’re a badass.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: All my friends, I refer people to you all the time. I mean, you’re a world class speaking coach. And I just say this, this may or may not be part of your talk. But if you want someone, you got a purpose and a passion in life, you need to get out to the general public, Roberto Monaco. So real quick, how do they get a hold of you real quick? We’ll go through this–
Roberto Monaco: The best way is just email me, [email protected]. I am on every platform, Roberto Monaco. Just hit me up at facebook–
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: So that’s how I met you, gone through the relationship. And then the big part, man, all of a sudden, bam, God shows up in your life. So tell that story.
Roberto Monaco: So life was good. Got super lucky not to get another God thing. I never been to a blind date in my life ever. So I’m 40, phone ring, it was a Friday afternoon, my buddy Paul Joseph calls me up and say, hey, man, my wife has a friend, I will introduce you. I’m like, bro, I don’t need that stuff. I don’t need to set up. he goes, bro, come over. So there’s the second or third group of people. And I remember in San Diego, I walk in this room and went like this. Went straight to talk to my wife, sit down and I’m like, hi. And I had this voice like lily goes. That’s it. And then from that day, I met her mom the next day, her dad in three days. And then besides me going to Brazil for two weeks one time, we’ve never been apart. We’re married now and have two beautiful kids.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Amazing.
Roberto Monaco: You want to know my mother–
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Yeah, always.
Roberto Monaco: And just setting up these examples because (inaudible). So I traveled everywhere. My wife’s from San Diego. I came from Brazil. I consider San Diego California my second home. I live there for, love San Diego, love Cali. And when I had this event for dentists, I look at my schedule, Charleston South Carolina. I didn’t even know the map. Just bought a ticket, arrive in the evening. Gonna hotel, go to bed, wake up before our talk. Lunchtime, go outside, walk downtown Charleston, walk outside walking, self esteem. And I’m like, I really pick up the phone. I called my wife and said, we’re going to live here. She was, what? We’re gonna live here. We’re living here for four years. Bought a house. My son Phoenix was born in Charleston, which is kind of weird when you think about that. So he was born in San Diego. So I’m going to be 52 in August. So for the first 50 years of my life, my motto is just be a good person from the heart. The person who didn’t believe in the supernatural, didn’t believe in Christ and believed in God. I wasn’t anti, I was just like, wasn’t there for me at all. And slowly, I always been into the self development, Tony Robbins, all the books, all the coaches or the mentors. Kind of like the belief system, the values, the purpose, super into that. And I am throughout the years. I always felt like, why would I have amazing friends and family, and an amazing wife. Deep down felt like I was alone carrying a big boulder all the time. Partially because of just pushing through, pushing through, pushing through, pushing through.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Self development really is.
Roberto Monaco: Yeah. I mean, better than I do.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Well, not really, but it’s pushing your own will.
Roberto Monaco: That’s exactly what it is.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: To push, man. You have to develop. That’s the whole problem with self development. You see that you’re always looking for a problem to fix. So what are you focused on? What do I need to fix next?
Roberto Monaco: Yeah. And now it is good. When I was caught up into that, I mean, that was a great thing. help people, but that was my thing. I start getting a little, I think the first thing that happened to me, I started looking at people as my role models in life. The man role models, the ones to be like, okay, that guy, that guy, that guy. They had one thing in common, man. They all love God, they’ll love Jesus. I didn’t choose for their reasons. He’s like, oh, man, that guy has stuff together. And I’m like, then I see that guy, that guy. And I’m like, I start like, at least get a little curious. And I remember one of a couple friends, I had a presentation in Lansing. So the invite was in the house.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: He’s got a French name in case you missed that. Mispronouncing it. He’s a–
Roberto Monaco: An amazing guy, my brother. They go to church, very Christian. So I had a talk on Saturday. I had a talk on Friday, Saturday, and sent them back. So I spoke on Friday. And the setup was they had this big church and they have a healing center next door. And my talks on Friday and Saturday, the Healing Center, it’s called the Gilead Healing Center, an amazing place. And the pastor came to watch me speak, Pastor Kevin. So I met him on Friday, spoke on Saturday. And for the whole weekend, I’m asking questions to Dr. (inaudible), Dr. Denise, just asking questions. Questions about Christ spirituality. And then Sunday morning, I woke up coming home and he said, hey, you want to go to church now. I’m like, yeah, why not? Have not been to church for years, why not? I go to this church and just like this Holy Spirit takeover. I sit down and I cry for 90 minutes in the church. I don’t know what happened. I feel like I was hijacked. And I remember pastor Kevin came to talk to me because he saw me from the talk. He’s like, Roberto, so glad to hear. I couldn’t say anything to him. I just heard him start crying. Then we go on, get quiet and I’m like, what just happened? Then at the airport, I called my wife. She was like, what? Like, yeah, I accept Christ in my heart. And then a journey starts, super grateful for Dr. (inaudible). This was December 2000.
So since then, pretty much every Friday at 5:30 AM my phone rings. We missed a couple times when I’m traveling, his traveling, but we’ve talked about the Bible, about Christ. It’s been amazing. I always tell people what I feel when it comes to Christianity and Jesus. I have a white belt in martial arts. Maybe now my blue belt, getting more experience. And it’s been amazing for me for some out there to just listen to me. I’m like, to the 50, I’m like a 50. Then eventually, the Bible started showing up on my door. Not a new constantly a Bible. And then I start connecting all these people and then something changed in me. I’m like, wow, that’s like, people are nowhere. Messages, emails, and has been amazing to be on this journey. There’s a lot of things that personally have impacted me and changed me for better belief. It is a whole new, the feeling that you’re not alone anymore. Like push the boulder. So that’s one thing that has changed for me.
To create a context for the audience, I remember when I became a Christian, I asked God, how do I pray? I literally didn’t know how. Do I write an email? How do you make it? Do I start talking? How do you do it? I really didn’t know how to do it because I wasn’t there in my first 50 years. And I think there’s a lot of positive things to happen to me. One is the feeling of this whole new depth of understanding the relationship with Christ, God or spirit has been massive to me. Being able to take the time and pray now more than ever. Take the time to listen to become a good listener. And when you have a plan, because my old self development mindset of having a plan, having an action, create a map, a massive action plan, and sometimes isn’t going away. If you like, God’s time, God’s plan. Do my part and be okay with it. Before, it was never okay with that. And now, it’s more like, man, I’m taking massive action, but trying to become a better listener. So that’s one thing that has changed. The second thing, I didn’t understand faith before. I understood beliefs, but had faith. It’s just a belief. The belief was like, you know what? I mean, like, but now it’s, but that was different. Once they have achieved things that also that I want to say that’s kind of super relevant. The other one is looking back on my life and the story about me quitting the bank. I’ll be retiring now. My buddies are retired at 24, 25, making the shift, then getting a job Tony Robbins, putting that portion there are nowhere. Meeting my wife.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Having Sophia. I mean, that’s–
Roberto Monaco: That’s a whole new story.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Your wife couldn’t even get pregnant with chiropractic care. That’s the–
Roberto Monaco: That’s a whole new story.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Kids is God’s presence in your life going to a chiropractor? And then now where are you.
Roberto Monaco: So a lot of things happen. Now looking back, if I look back on my life and detach myself from it, I realize how I was being guided. In Charleston, they call it the holy city. I mean, in America, call this church everywhere. So being able to recognize that I was never actually alone.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: That’s amazing.
Roberto Monaco: Never. I was just being guided. I was just one part of a confusion that when I started transforming this new life was the fact that before everything that I said in the context of like, coaching or training was, everything it was mind made, and then came God’s laws. And it’s kind of like the matter is above all this stuff. And he’s like, I don’t want to sit you kind of overrides everything. And it’s like, it’s powerful. So I still have, no, I’m still working on the balance between balanced both, the technique, the skills that we need, and then allow God in the work. When I speak now, I always felt like this was the message. I had downloads, even though I do believe in presentation structure in preparation of that, but now it puts connection even more powerful. And I know life has been better for me. So hopefully, you have it.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Not as much to your mind. And this story is really about everybody what we go through, we look back. Once you evolve, and once you gain an understanding. I mean, you’re talking about Christ and Christianity, Christianity couldn’t be viewed a different way, it could be reviewed as a religion. But Christ didn’t come to teach us religion. He came to teach us about relationships. He was actually crucified by religion, and so that’s the thing. We’re not here preaching religion, we’re really preaching a Christ consciousness. That’s what I say for the yield system, like Christ was in his last name. He was a Jew. His name could have been Abramowitz. I don’t know what Jesus’ last name. Christ is a consciousness. It’s an awareness of our divinity, and that’s what his message was to realize that we are divine first. And that’s what the healed system is honor God within yourself that God is through us. Genesis 1:27, he created us like his image. The temple of gods were, that God is in the temple and the Temple is within us. I mean, there’s so many verses that say God is within us and we are always connected. He’s the presence that can never be absent. And when you look back, when all of a sudden they said, you’re going through life like this. And I’ll say, take your hands away and you realize, I’ve never been alone. What a powerful message.
Roberto Monaco: Powerful. Powerful. When you read the Bible and you still understand the life of Christ, you realize how the standard is so high. I mean, for example, pray for your enemies. Honestly, yeah. You heard it a thousand times. I have not mastered that one yet.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: I’m working on that one.
Roberto Monaco: I’m still working on it. And it’s just like good peripheral enemies. You’re like, are you serious? The level of how it evolved, and that’s for me what it is. One of the things that attracts me, the many things. So that the new journey now is fun. I’m excited about it. I’m working to become a better listener. I mean, to connect spiritually and be able to listen. Because before, I didn’t listen to anybody. But the books, or the coach, or the audiobook, I was a self development attic. On some level, I’m still down by being able to listen.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Well, here’s the thing, man. Now, the self development isn’t where the small assets where the capital is your God self developed. Development is God’s self realization. You’ve always been in there, you’re just discovering who you’ve always been. So anyway, I told Roberto when I found out that he made this transition and shift in consciousness that a professional speaker trainer now found God, now found Christ, he’s got a whole new purpose and a message to bring around the world. So although you may think you’re a blue belt, you’ve always been a 10th degree black belt because that’s what God created you to be.
Roberto Monaco: Yep, thank you, buddy. I appreciate that. For me, being congruent is one of my core values. My main core values as far as everything has to be authentic for me, and that’s something that I always ask Dr. (inaudible). I think I even asked you this question too. I remember when I told you I was so happy like, how do I bring that to my work? You know what I mean? How do you bring that to work? How do you pray for people, to coach for people? Can I just talk about it? I was like, so I think naturally, things are flowing to me. Today I just called someone, we had a God conversation. I was open and we just talked about it. And it’s really powerful. It’s really powerful.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: So just kind of wrap this up, amazing story. Thank you for sharing all your personal experiences and thoughts. Final message, what would you like to leave the audience with? And where will they find you?
Roberto Monaco: The final message is this, for those who are just like me before that don’t believe in God, or maybe believe it but just don’t focus on it, it’s really hard to have a relationship with someone you don’t know. Like, how am I gonna have a relationship with my wife if I don’t spend time with her? How do I have a relationship with my kids if I don’t spend time with a kid? How are you going to have a relationship with God if you don’t spend time to know him? I feel like if you’re curious, start exploring the Bible. Hold on with Fred, he’s a wealth of information, he can guide you through it. I have a lot of people who reach out to me just to talk God, talk Christ, which is crazy because I never spoke before. So I feel like you owe yourself at least to explore. Just be open minded to explore a conversation and then you go from there. That’s been my message to you.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Thank you. So how do they get a hold of you?
Roberto Monaco: They can go to Roberto Monaco and you have a platform there.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Roberto, R-O-B-E-R-T-O, Monaco, M-O-N-A-C-O. You’ll find them everywhere. And I would just ask you and say that if you got value from this, please share this. Go to our YouTube channel, HEALED with Dr. Fred, these will be on there. We also have the Facebook page, HEALED with Dr. Fred where we do videos every week. I’m on social media, Dr. Fred DiDomenico. We also have a whole HEALED program, youaremorepowerful.com. I’ll spell that out Y-O-U-A-R-E morepowerful.com. And if we can help you in any way, then let’s come together. Let’s really connect with God who’s inside us. The world, like we said in our Lord’s prayer that I said, it’s so mundanely and repetitively, but Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, And I think this is a time of any time in history to truly great heaven on earth, We can do this together.
Roberto Monaco: Amen.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: Thank you so much. I love you, brother.
Roberto Monaco: I love you, brother.
Dr. Fred DiDomenico: We’ll talk again soon.